Thank You!

Dear Josh-

You have no idea just how much  seeing you for that short while last night helped and how much it meant to me! It was huge!

For one thing, you've been so rigid about not going outside the perimeters of our set times. I suspect that was difficult for you and  I know you were exhausted.

But part of it was just not being alone during this storm, knowing I am cared about, laughing a little and having some sense of feeling normal! And, I have to say it sort of grounded me for a few hours.

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“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”  ― A.A. Milne

I still didn't sleep.  I hope you got enough. The night was full of panic attacks and at 8:30 AM, I've decide to break down and pop a couple of Valium in hopes it will take the edge off for a nit of a nap! There have only been a couple of times I have been this overwhelmed, panicked, sad and unable to focus.  The aftermath of Andy trying to kill me and just all the related stress and horror I had to deal with and for a couple of months before I became homeless.  So, it makes sense that this is a combination of being unable to get therapy, not sleeping, an overwhelming amount of stresses and not being able to change or address them in any productive way. No control.

(And yes, dear me, I am probably surrounded by a few assholes)

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"Let everything happen to you  
Beauty and terror 
Just keep going 
No feeling is final"  
— Rainer Maria Rilke

So thank you for being there for me when I needed it. I am so grateful for you.
Best,
Lorelei