Dearest Josh,
Thanks for your concern.
I just could not respond to your text about what I do when things are this bad, certainly not by text. Part of me really enjoyed texting back and forth with you and it was a distraction for a while, but it also stung a little. Of course, the only reason you would be texting back on a Friday night is because you were on public transit! Not that I am unappreciative. Everything I get is precious!
Thanks for your concern.
I just could not respond to your text about what I do when things are this bad, certainly not by text. Part of me really enjoyed texting back and forth with you and it was a distraction for a while, but it also stung a little. Of course, the only reason you would be texting back on a Friday night is because you were on public transit! Not that I am unappreciative. Everything I get is precious!
“For neither good nor evil can last for ever; and so it follows that as evil has lasted a long time, good must now be close at hand.” ― Cervantes
Look. Often being alone is really good for me, but isolation when it isn't my choice is bad, really bad. I have no funds or transportation to get me out of the space I am in for even a minute.
The icing on the cake was a royal let down by a friend this weekend. The first thought was, "good thing I'm used to being disappointed." That is CRAP! No one should be used to disappointment and I don't deserve it. I'm always so fucking gracious about it too.
That's not entirely why I'm going through all this soup, but it has made things worse. I've been in a pretty heavy depression since early winter and it's largely situational! Feeling productive and useful is crucial and any little happy spots go a long way to keeping myself afloat. I'm not getting enough of those things to balance that and the consequences are scary! As much as I am likely to be fine, I am equally likely to be done. At least I can say I am honest about it.
The icing on the cake was a royal let down by a friend this weekend. The first thought was, "good thing I'm used to being disappointed." That is CRAP! No one should be used to disappointment and I don't deserve it. I'm always so fucking gracious about it too.
That's not entirely why I'm going through all this soup, but it has made things worse. I've been in a pretty heavy depression since early winter and it's largely situational! Feeling productive and useful is crucial and any little happy spots go a long way to keeping myself afloat. I'm not getting enough of those things to balance that and the consequences are scary! As much as I am likely to be fine, I am equally likely to be done. At least I can say I am honest about it.
“There are moments when one has to choose between living one's own life, fully, entirely, completely-or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands.”
― Oscar Wilde
Look! Me smiling when things are not so great!
I'm glad you had a good writing group. Sorry work was sucky, but there's a new job coming if you want the change. I have some things to look forward to at least; work on Monday, if I can score a car and seeing you on Wednesday.
Wishing you a good weekend!
Here's a poem by one of my favorite writers, Thomas M. Disch.
Wishing you a good weekend!
Here's a poem by one of my favorite writers, Thomas M. Disch.
What to Accept
The fact of mountains. The actuality
Of any stone — by kicking, if necessary.
The need to ignore stupid people,
While restraining one's natural impulse
To murder them. The change from your dollar,
Be it no more than a penny,
For without a pretense of universal penury
There can be no honor between rich and poor.
Love, unconditionally, or until proven false.
The inevitability of cancer and/or
Heart disease. The dialogue as written,
Once you've taken the role. Failure,
Gracefully. Any hospitality
You're willing to return. The air
Each city offers you to breathe.
The latest hit. Assistance.
All accidents. The end.
― Thomas M. Disch,
The fact of mountains. The actuality
Of any stone — by kicking, if necessary.
The need to ignore stupid people,
While restraining one's natural impulse
To murder them. The change from your dollar,
Be it no more than a penny,
For without a pretense of universal penury
There can be no honor between rich and poor.
Love, unconditionally, or until proven false.
The inevitability of cancer and/or
Heart disease. The dialogue as written,
Once you've taken the role. Failure,
Gracefully. Any hospitality
You're willing to return. The air
Each city offers you to breathe.
The latest hit. Assistance.
All accidents. The end.
― Thomas M. Disch,
Wishing you the weekend you want to have,
Lorelei
Lorelei
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