mermaid muse
  • Contact

To Warm The Chill

1/29/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
It looks so cold but it’s really beautiful. I love the quiet, yet moody atmosphere! This photo was making the rounds on Facebook 

Small but inspiring, productive & entertaining meeting for OLT tonight. And the post meeting light show by Avery was fabulous! I am really looking forward to this!
Sleeping in the Forest by Mary Oliver

I thought the earth remembered me,
she took me back so tenderly,
arranging her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds.
I slept as never before, a stone on the river bed,
nothing between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated light as moths
among the branches of the perfect trees.
All night I heard the small kingdoms
breathing around me, the insects,
and the birds who do their work in the darkness.
All night I rose and fell, as if in water,
grappling with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.
And from last night, the discovery of sparkly and mosquetical trash can art.
Picture
Picture
t's funny because I am usually so transparent about things. If you hang out with me long enough or ask the right questions I'll tell you almost anything about my past, my dreams, health stuff, sex stuff, food, things I like to do, my spiritual practices, etc. 

But I realized recently, mostly in the instance of spiritual related questions, that I have a trigger that makes me clam up almost immediately. If someone asks me in ways where I feel scrutinized, criticized or grilled I become very evasive, even secretive about things I would otherwise be quite frank about. If someone asks, well what are you doing about that? What kind of spells are you doing? What's your daily practice. Who are you making offerings too? I make vague mumblings in response or I say, I'm not doing enough obviously or I sometimes just play it as if I am not doing anything. I realize there are probably childhood buttons being pushed here. I also realize that most of the time people ask because they want to be helpful, not be condescending. However, there's an element here of Mom telling me to go brush my teeth when I am walking into the bathroom to do just that or Dad yelling at me to take out the trash when I've just come in from doing it 

Interesting.
0 Comments

Bone Tired, but Still Inspired

1/4/2014

0 Comments

 
    This winter is hitting me hard. Since when am I this tired, tired to the bones, by midnight?
 just noticed that my jammie pants have a back pocket. Why on earth do pajamas need a back pocket?
Picture
Mick: For your knife.
Belinda: Lol because peeps here wear em to the store. I swore I'll never do that!
Matthew: people wear 'em to class - and why not? i wore a plaid robe to work, once, when i was involved in such foolishness. when quizzed upon what i imagined i was wearing, i replied, "an over-sized plaid shirt, for all you know!"
Lorelei Moon Actually, I must say, these are rather stylish considering they are flannel drawstring pajama pants. They are a rather attractive dark green pattern. I don't know what the heck it's supposed to be, but it's nice. So maybe one could venture out in public in them, but not me.
Jim:  It's a flask pocket.
Fawn: For when you go to the liquor store!
Lorelei Moon: Fawn, seems to me The Empress Dammit should have her liquor delivered to her in bed!

So here is the pattern on the jammies with pocket. Classy enough to make a foray in public? — at In My Pants

Quote of awesome in the wee hours, from my clever friend Dana Morrigan:"i'm an ulterior designer."
Something is seriously wrong when I finish my book and am tired enough to turn the light off at 130am.
Picture
From Neil Gaiman's Tumblr

Honor is playing Beetlejuice on one screen today & The Big Lebowski on the other; subs on. Hendrix, All Along The Watch Tower playing.
Love this place so much. That is all.
Oh, & I'm reading Rilke's The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge or rather, I was....hello.
Well, the evening was just lovely and I found much to appreciate. I'm inclined to say I was pleasantly surprised, but if I'm honest about it, I'm not surprised at all. Pleased, but not surprised. 
And, I'll just leave it there!
Picture
For a split second tonight, when I suggested someone Facebook friend me, it crossed my mind that maybe I should have scrolled through my feed first to see if there's anything I might be particularly embarrassed about. It's not like I didn't warn him first. And it's too late now. Geez. Where did that come from. Since when do I worry about making a good first impression via ze interwebs?
Heading home finally. This short skirt was fine in today's earlier sunny weather and later inside the warm bar, but doing my last couple stops of the day feeding kitties in the cold night time chill this short skirt's not doing me much good. And it's damned ridiculous with the wool coat and boots

I was introduced to the concept of purposefully aging beer tonight, good beer of course. Intrigued.
0 Comments

Unfortunately - Fortunately

1/2/2014

0 Comments

 
This new year is starting in a manor that makes me feel like the kid in that book, "Unfortunately, Fortunately." I am full of equal parts gratitude and grief. And that's it. Really! I have to find a way to just get my car back or replace it with a functioning legal car. I've thought about trying one of those fundraiser sites though I am dubious. I don't know what else to do. 

I've been so grateful for the use of my friend's car the last few months. I would not have been able to work or get to dr & other important appointments without his generosity. I was starting to save up money to get the repairs done and all the fees paid off. It felt like progress. 

Thing is, the car is old and has high mileage. Serious things are starting to go wrong. Last month I had to put almost all my car repair savings into replacing its leaky gas tank. The windshield is cracked to a dangerous degree, the brakes are bad and it's developed an infuriating quirk of refusing to shift out of park because it fails to recognize that the brake has been engaged. It has an override button that appears to be stuck or disconnected. Usually, after much stomping on the brake it eventually pops into gear. The only other option is replacing the gear box which is probably another $4-500!
It had been especially tricky earlier in the evening so I had left the key in (so I could leave it in neutral) while I moved my own car for street sweeping. And I stupidly locked the door with my purse & phone inside. Luckily, I gad friends willing and able to help! 
I had not eaten all day so I stopped to eat. I debated leaving it in neutral with the key and making sure I had the spare but I was afraid the battery would drain. So, I took a chance based on past frustrations always being temporary. That was a huge mistake! 

2 hours of failed attempts later here I am with a tear stained face on the 2nd to last train to Richmond, interrupting the birthday of one of my dearest friends, who miraculously was not only still awake but answered her phone, so that I can borrow her car. 
It gets better! BART train had a malfunctioning door which delayed us getting to MacArthur for our transfer to Richmond. Driver told us they were holding the train for us. To transfer requires going downstairs then across the station and back upstairs again! Even with doing our best to hurry several of us reached the platform as the train pulled away, including an elderly woman struggling with her luggage. Luckily, there is one more train, but I will get to Richmond about 1230am and back to my cat sitting gig around 130am if I'm lucky.

Tomorrow, I will get up early, if I get any sleep at all because the car will either need to be towed or moved somehow by 8AM to avoid a ticket or tow.

I have obligations that require a car every day through January 12. I know my friend can't afford the repair this car needs just to be barely functional. I realize it may cost every penny I am making this week to tow it in and get that gear box repaired. Instead of swimming forward I feel I am just treading water.
So grateful again for my friends coming through for me again. I know I have done a lot for others even at times I was not in such a great position myself, but I am tired of being in chronic crisis and having to make a big noise to get even the most basic things done.
Oh Ganesha! If ever I needed the assistance of your mighty trunk to move these obstacles from my meaninful and productive path it is now! And if ever I needed extra blessings from your beautiful consort Laxmi so that extra coin flows into my pocket to resolve this, now would be the time! Thanks!

  • Jim Estes brake light switch wears out and prevent from removing out of park $25.00 at Autozone, if that's the problem. Option of cruise or no cruise control.

    2 January at 06:49 · Edited · Unlike · 1Reply


  • Rhiannon Stitch Laakso Let me know if you need AAA today. I understand the car issues. My car has been sitting in my driveway since October 2012 after it broke down in the middle of the Bay bridge. It needs the head replaced at the very least. I was saving up for a friend to help, even got a generous loan from a friend's mom, but life is getting in the way still so there it sits. But, I have excellent AAA since I needed it with that car...
    2 January at 07:08 · LikeReply


  • Lorelei Moon Jim I think that may be the problem. I understand it is common with Toyotas. Is the part something that is in a place I can get to myself? If it's near the brake lights themselves, I don't have the damn tools to open the panels. I swear they designed the car so you can do very little work yourself!
    2 January at 09:59 · LikeReply


  • Lorelei Moon Rhiannon I may take you up on that. My work schedule doesn't have room for this problem today. Car probably has already gotten a couple of tickets. After I leave this job around 11, my plan is to go back to the car and try one more time to coax it int...See More
    2 January at 10:04 · LikeReply


  • Rhiannon Stitch Laakso Ok, just let me know then. I'll be on that side of town randomly over the next few days while we clean up and move out Esa's house...
    2 January at 10:18 · Unlike · 1Reply


  • Lorelei Moon Thanks!
    2 January at 10:24 · LikeReply


  • Jim Estes I had the same problem with an 02' Honda Odyssey. The switch is down by the brake peddle. Disconnect battery before removal. Instructions on youtube.com
    2 January at 16:23 · Unlike · 1Reply


  • Lorelei Moon Jim, thanks for the tip about the battery. It wasn't on the you tube video I saw. Of course, that makes perfect sense when working on the electrical! Hey, having a hard time getting someone to help me do this! Sure you don't want to take a Bay Area vacation about now?
    4 January at 00:14 · LikeReply


  • Jim Estes Actually, on my way to Six Flags Magic Mountain, Valencia. Hope you find someone to help.
    4 January at 06:21 · LikeReply
Yup going to be 130 before I get in the house and pee
Went back to the car to pull my stuff out & tried once again to no avail to get the car into gear! I see there's street sweeping 1230-330 plus meters start at 8! I left a note, but Oakland parking is not known for their mercy. Cloaking spell needs to work extra well today! I can't do anything more right now. I need sleep and I have a job to finish. Prayers!
Damn! I found a video on how to replace a brake light switch. The replacement itself looks simple, but getting to it requires removing the dash and tools I don't have. I'm wondering if I have the car towed to my house with a friend's AAA, and I buy the part, would one of my mechanically inclined friends be willing to do the fix. I'll still be stuck with parking tickets but I won't have to eat the labor cost at my mechanic! 
This is appropriate for my car situation except there's an extra step in which I swear a lot and cry a little!
"I follow four dictates: face it, accept it, deal with it, then let it go." 
-- Sheng Yen
This is clearly one of those, let go, let deity things. The car situation will be whatever it will be whenever I get back to it. I'm not making tbe same mistake I did yesterday of putting off eating! I'm stopping for nourishment, then I will check on the Toyota. If I can't get it moved or towed quickly, then I will go to my next job & come back to it until things get resolved meanwhile, if I have a friend who would volunteer to help me replace that switch myself (I have no tools) if I can move it to another location, please let me know.
Walking to Peet's a busy mom passed me, her cell phone pressed to her head either oblivious or maybe she felt she was not humoring her moody child. Tagging along a few yards behind was her tow headed little girl, who didn't look like she was throwing a fit, but she was crying pretty hard. I thought, yeah kid, I know how you feel! 
That was me last night bawling in my car while smokers outside Ben & Nicks ignored me..
I just met a very handsome man in Peet's today. He was joking w/the barista about his kids getting on his case about procrastinating so much. 
He was saying how much money procrastinating cost him and I was thinking about how much money someone else's procrastinating has been costing me. Anyway, she asked him how old his kids are and he says, 22, 23, 26 & 28! We both stare at him dumbfounded. She made him whip out his driver's license. Dude is 63! I know a lot of African American men & women age well, but this guy could have pased for mid 40's.I nearly asked him if he was divorced & available!
Putting a positive light on things because catastrophe is not going to be my reality for 2014! This is how I am choosing to deal with this situation; I am going to go about the commitments of my day as if this car issue wasn't hanging over my head. I will do my best to deal with the car in between. 
I've played the wprst that can happen game & guess what? In none of the acenarios does the world end. Here are my worst case scenarios:
1. I have to wait until tonight to get the car towed to my house or mechanic. 
2. I have to pay my mechanic a lot to fix it.
3. I get a couple hundred dollars in tickets. 
4. The car gets impounded. 
Best case scenario, I have few or no (miracle!!!) tickets, a friend lets me use their AAA for a tow home & a friend helps me repair the car which also means I learn how to do something new! 
Meanwhile prayers & positive energy sent my way would be splendid!
Also, I need to renew my web hosting service AND buy my own AAA membership, but I do not have a credit/debit card.
Bitchcakes! One of my favorite amusing curse words. It's tempting to make it a mantra but that's not really what I want to manifest right now so, moneycakes, moneycakes, moneycakes!
So this year's early challenges are underscoring how I don't need to freak out. Evidently, the universe has my back as much as my friends do! 
Doesn't matter if it was, let go let deity, my cloaking spell, my note and a kind parking enforcement officer or crazy good luck. Bottom line is, the car did NOT get a single ticket, I have wheels to finish my jobs today AND somehow the car will get home tonight whether on its own volition or with the help of a generous friend. #grateful! #blessed #itwillallworkout! #I♥myfriendssomuch
0 Comments

Tired and busy

1/1/2014

0 Comments

 
I slept in, but I wasn't hung over, just tired and feeling a little defeated,

Ok time to pull myself away from the blankets and snuggly kitty, throw on some practical clothes, go to work. Thank goodness I warned my clients I wouldn't be up early to feed their kitties at the normal time! Then I need to find some place open for coffee and breakfast. I gotta say I was tempted to sneak back into my friend's party that lasted all night with a promise of breakfast (I left before midnight) and pretend I had crashed there last night just for the breakfast & bloody mary enticement!
Today is going to feel busier than it actually is! I'm headed to client #1 and then off to forage for food I also want to hit Pendragon on College for their annual calendar sale! assuming Crepevine is open it makes sense to have a lunchy breakfast there. I'm thinking I will be in the neighborhood between 230/3. Ping me if you want to join me for noshing or calender pillaging!
CAYA has a new daily practice for 2014 I can't sing it because my vocal chord trouble continues to vex me!
Everything was going so well and then The Car of Doom...Doom...Doom earned its nickname!

I need HELP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! I need someone with a AAA card to help me out asap! I have locked my keys, purse AND phone in the car and the battery is on and draining! I cannot afford a locksmith! Coat hanger wouldn't work even if I had one!If you cam hep me by calling AAA, and come out so I can use your card. I'd be really grateful! I am hoping to collect on some accumulated good karma here! I do not have my phone. Please message me here.
 Then:
May I just say again how truly blessed and downright lucky I am to have such amazing friends! I thought I was starting off my new year with a terrible mishap and yet Cross was willing to give up his evening to come all the way to Oakland from Crockett so I could use his AAA & not be clobbered with a locksmith bill! Rhiannon was willing to lend a hand too and if I had waited longer I'm sure others would have chimed in with offers of rescue! It turned out that my housemate of awesome, Alex Sparquis saved Cross a trip & my evening by successfully picking the lock! Heroes! They are real! I love, love, love my friends!
And then, just when I thought it was going to be alright!
*whimper* I don't know what to do. This car has left me stranded again. All I wanted to do was stop for some food on the way back up to my job because I hadn't eaten anything all day and I have spent over an hour trying to get it out of park. My clients come back tomorrow at noon. Even if I can get alternative transportation up there this car is stuck at a meter. It could get ticketed or towed and I have a full day tomorrow; multiple stops. I've just had it! I want my car back! I can't keep putting any more money into this car! I should have just gone straight up there then if I got stranded tomorrow at least their cats would be fed and all my stuff wouldn't be in their house. Damn! I can't afford a tow or a ticket or a cab. I'm at my wits end.


This is the first time I haven't eventually been able to get it into gear and now it's too late for anyone to help. I dont know what to do. Sometimes it won't work for me and if someone else tries it will just pop in. I just don't jnow what to do.
0 Comments

    Author

    Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.

    Archives

    April 2018
    April 2017
    April 2015
    April 2014
    January 2014
    April 2013
    April 2012
    April 2011
    April 2010

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.