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My Next Band Name Will Be, HERMIT CIRCUS!

4/23/2011

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It's so tempting to believe that ignorance really is bliss, but it's just a thin veil keeping you from seeing the sharks swimming around your feet!

Hmm. That would be better if I kept up with the ocean metaphor. How about:

It's tempting to believe that ignorance truly is bliss, but it's just a small blob of seaweed keeping you from seeing the sharks swimming around your feet!


It's a very strange feeling when you realize someone is trying to "lie" you out of existence or at least try to rearrange the facts to suit their cover story. Suddenly you've been put in the thick of something you'd rather avoid and been erased from something you participated in with pure love and honesty.

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​I feel like I was targeted, hunted and toyed with.
​I am not a friggin' mouse!

​And, as was said to me by someone who is still a completely gullible wackadoodle with her own special reality (but in this case is correct), "Fortunately, what you also know is that it's not actually personal. It's that person's habit to do to same to all the women in his life. He both convinces you that you are a very special person in his life while in the same breath denying to others that you exist.

You are just another person that he tagged with his ugly graffiti along their way. He's working his way around town with his paint can of deceit.

​You feel that way because you were. Appropriate response!! I have been thinking today about how I made myself a target for the same man before you. Disturbing, but instructive."

Ouch! That hurt!

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MORE OUCH!

I am so ready to finish off the trials and tribulations crap so I can go back to being my shiny happy self, if not 24/7 a whole lot more of the time. Tough weekend and must everyone's caught up in their own stuff but I love and know I'm loved!

Doh! Of course no one's free to help me move stuff this weekend. It's Easter! I imagine my friends are pretty tired of the whole moving here and there scene by now. And it's impossible to get schedules to work.

It's not that people don't care. It's no one's fault. It's just the way it is. I just need to come up with some cash and hire some help or maybe I just need to let it all go. All I know is, I can't keep the juggling act up anymore. Too many limitations because I can't do it alone. I cannot physically do it! I don't have a truck. I'm not that strong.

​I haven't been able to deal with storage the way I need to, I haven't been able to get my stuff out of temporary place number one and it's already time to get stuff out of temporary place number two!

WHAT ABOUT LOVE?

Trying to decide if it's really a compliment when 20 somethings are sending me messages on OkCupid, especially when they have so little of substance to say that I can't even think of a clever response. Yawn!

The past couple of years the young ones seem to think I'm hot! While guys my age are lookin' at 20 year olds. Whaaa? I suppose I appreciate the attention but I do not want to have a relationship with a boy. That said, some of the 49 year olds I have dated were little boys too. Sigh. 

​I have several pagan friends who've met great guys on there but so far, "yawn" It is a challenge to find single, heterosexual, pagan or pagan friendly MEN period, especially non poly men. Funny, their little algorithm keeps suggesting guys I already know. Some of their profiles are pretty amusing too. Then again, overall, there seem to be  a lot of creeps on there.

SPEAKING OF CREEPY...

Speaking of "Mr Creepy's" I had a bit of a freak out moment tonight trying to figure out how someone found out I was going to an event when I didn't put that info out in in any online space he has access to. Something I didn't put together initially. I was passing some info on and then realized I didn't know how he knew what I was doing. Totally creeped me out!

The thought is that perhaps a friend or acquaintance I'm unaware is mutual told him. Sick of all this convoluted stuff and wish things could just be completely open, period! Wish this person would just go away! Relationships! It seems like the last two were more trouble AFTER they ended!
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Then again, perhaps silence is the best route.
​Maybe I'll run AWAY from the circus and run to the hermit cave!

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When All The Muscles Ache, Even Your Heart

4/23/2011

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443 AM Still not sleeping.
​

It's a very strange feeling when you realize someone is trying to lie you out of existence or at least try to rearrange the facts to suit their cover story. Suddenly you've been put in the thick of something you'd rather avoid and been erased from something you participated in with pure love and honesty.


Ouch! That hurt!
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Dear Past Lorelei:
Yeah, that was a really confusing and painful time, as if you weren't going through enough. 
I have to tell you that it's still hard for Future Lorelei to hate Kurian. Even though he did some terrible things, he mostly treated you pretty well and made you feel good about yourself, except for the lying, manipulating, gaslighting, slandering, and risking your sexual health part. Yeah, that sucked. Oh well, you shook off his crazy ex and you don't have to worry about crossing paths with him anymore, so hooray.
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315 PM
​
Doh! Of course no one's free to help me move stuff this weekend. It's Easter!


I imagine my friends are pretty tired of the whole moving here and there scene by now. And it's impossible to get schedules to work. It's not that people don't care. It's no one's fault. It's just the way it is. I just need to come up with some cash and hire some help or maybe I just need to let it all go. All I know is, I can;t keep the juggling act up anymore. Too many limitations because I can't do it alone. i cannot physically do it! I don't have a truck. I'm not that strong. I haven't been able to deal with storage the way I need to, I haven't been able to get my stuff out of temporary place number one and it's already time to get stuff out of temporary place number two!

Dear Past Lorelei: Would it have made you feel better if I told you that as of 2019, you have moved nearly 15 times? You've also moved things in and out of storage units all by yourself and it does not get easier.
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6:31 PM

It's so tempting to believe that ignorance really is bliss, but it's just a thin veil keeping you from seeing the shark swimming around your feet!

Dear Past Lorelei - /\ THAT was a good one.
​ I can't remember if we've gotten around to using it yet.
637 PM

I am so ready to finish off the trials and tribulations crap so I can go back to being my shiny happy self, if not 24/7,  a whole lot more of the time. Tough weekend and must everyone's caught up in their own stuff, but I love and know I'm loved!

DATING? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

1043pm

Trying to decide if it's really a compliment when 20 somethings are sending me messages on OkCupid. Especially when they have so little of substance to say that I can't even think of a clever response. Yawn!

The past couple of years the young ones seem to think I'm hot! While guys my age are lookin' at 20 year olds. Whaaa?
I appreciate the attention but I do not want to have a relationship with a boy. That said, some of the 49 year olds I dated were little boys too. Sigh.
I have several pagan friends who've met great guys on there but so far, "yawn" It is a challenge to find single, heterosexual, pagan or pagan friendly MEN period, especially non-poly men. Funny, their little algorithm keeps suggesting guys I already know. Some of their profiles are pretty amusing too.

11:11pm
Speaking of "Mr Creepy's" I had a bit of a freak out moment tonight trying to figure out how someone found out I was going to an event when I didn't put that info out in in any online space he has access to. Something I didn't put together initially.

I was passing some info on and then realized I didn't know how he knew what I was doing. Totally creeped me out! The thought is that perhaps a friend or acquaintance I'm unaware is mutual told him. Sick of all this convoluted stuff and wish things could just be completely open, period! Wish this person would just go away! Relationships!

​It seems like the last two were more trouble AFTER they ended!


Dear Past Lorelei,

You must have been talking about, Andy. The restraining order was still fairly new. If it's any consolation, you rarely think about him at all anymore. 

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1121PM
Then again, perhaps silence is the best route. Maybe I'll run AWAY from the circus and run to the hermit cave!

Dear Past Lorelei, That is pretty much what we have done. Sometimes it is lonely. Mostly, it's ok.
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The Earth Is Making Me Sneeze!

4/22/2011

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"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is, that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't."
-- Henry Ward Beecher

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Every Day is "Earth Day!" Respect your mother!

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These allergies are still trying to kill me! 

I am so ready to be rid of these allergy symptoms! On the bright side, if you have stock in Kleenex I probably made you some money this week!


People keep telling me to buy local honey. I know about the honey trick though it has mostly been debunked. I can't afford honey these days, especially the good local stuff! I've had allergy testing. Normally, very little bothers me, at least not enough to bother with allergy shots or to predict when I need to bolster allergy prevention.

I'm mildly allergic to grasses and I have a vasomotor rhinitis which can flare up if I get inundated with particulates. We just have a super high pollen count this year thanks to rain followed by sun and lots of wind spreading it!

A note from future Lorelei...

Dear Lorelei, 

Today you wistfully wished the CAYA Amazon tribe safe travels as they went down to The Goddess Temple of Orange County for a visit.

It really stuck in your craw that there were what seemed like so many exclusive cliques within CAYA. You didn't want to be an Amazon because you did not feel comfortable about their biological female exclusivity  and there were other things you couldn't quite put your finger on. You also thought the whole Goddess Temple HP's Queen thing seemed ego driven and ripe for abuse, very different from what you were trying to do with The Empress Dammit.

Still, you wanted to be included and you weren't allowed to join in. But that's how cults work. Your gut was so very right. I know it hurt, but....good on you!

Stay Free,

​Future You

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One Sneeze At A Time!

4/20/2011

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I'D LIKE TO THINK SO...

Hmm. Did the fairies take a few sips of the cordial we left out for them on our altar or did a wee bit evaporate? I choose to believe the fairies enjoyed a wee nip!
Don't want to get too excited, but for a few minutes this morning I could breathe clearly before the sneeze attack!  I've realized it's not a virus. Severe allergies to some kind of tree pollen most likely. But just in case,  I've been loading everything with spice: Ginger, Cayenne Pepper, hot peppers, garlic, onions! I'm safe from vampires for sure now!
The doggle I've been taking care of has been extra clingy today, but I must leave him! I have other critters to visit and hopefully, I'll make it to class tonight!
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I got here first! I will not relinquish this sunny spot!I got here first! I will not relinquish this sunny spot!

Torties are my favorite! This is Chimay, who I've cared for since she was a kitten. She has lymphoma, but id responding well to treatment! Yaaay!
Random discovery! How did I not know what "Florida Water" was? Ha! Simple! I can make my own.  Of course most of my ingredients are in storage! Damn
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