443 AM Still not sleeping.
It's a very strange feeling when you realize someone is trying to lie you out of existence or at least try to rearrange the facts to suit their cover story. Suddenly you've been put in the thick of something you'd rather avoid and been erased from something you participated in with pure love and honesty.
It's a very strange feeling when you realize someone is trying to lie you out of existence or at least try to rearrange the facts to suit their cover story. Suddenly you've been put in the thick of something you'd rather avoid and been erased from something you participated in with pure love and honesty.
Ouch! That hurt!
Dear Past Lorelei:
Yeah, that was a really confusing and painful time, as if you weren't going through enough.
I have to tell you that it's still hard for Future Lorelei to hate Kurian. Even though he did some terrible things, he mostly treated you pretty well and made you feel good about yourself, except for the lying, manipulating, gaslighting, slandering, and risking your sexual health part. Yeah, that sucked. Oh well, you shook off his crazy ex and you don't have to worry about crossing paths with him anymore, so hooray.
Yeah, that was a really confusing and painful time, as if you weren't going through enough.
I have to tell you that it's still hard for Future Lorelei to hate Kurian. Even though he did some terrible things, he mostly treated you pretty well and made you feel good about yourself, except for the lying, manipulating, gaslighting, slandering, and risking your sexual health part. Yeah, that sucked. Oh well, you shook off his crazy ex and you don't have to worry about crossing paths with him anymore, so hooray.
315 PM
Doh! Of course no one's free to help me move stuff this weekend. It's Easter!
I imagine my friends are pretty tired of the whole moving here and there scene by now. And it's impossible to get schedules to work. It's not that people don't care. It's no one's fault. It's just the way it is. I just need to come up with some cash and hire some help or maybe I just need to let it all go. All I know is, I can;t keep the juggling act up anymore. Too many limitations because I can't do it alone. i cannot physically do it! I don't have a truck. I'm not that strong. I haven't been able to deal with storage the way I need to, I haven't been able to get my stuff out of temporary place number one and it's already time to get stuff out of temporary place number two!
Doh! Of course no one's free to help me move stuff this weekend. It's Easter!
I imagine my friends are pretty tired of the whole moving here and there scene by now. And it's impossible to get schedules to work. It's not that people don't care. It's no one's fault. It's just the way it is. I just need to come up with some cash and hire some help or maybe I just need to let it all go. All I know is, I can;t keep the juggling act up anymore. Too many limitations because I can't do it alone. i cannot physically do it! I don't have a truck. I'm not that strong. I haven't been able to deal with storage the way I need to, I haven't been able to get my stuff out of temporary place number one and it's already time to get stuff out of temporary place number two!
Dear Past Lorelei: Would it have made you feel better if I told you that as of 2019, you have moved nearly 15 times? You've also moved things in and out of storage units all by yourself and it does not get easier.
6:31 PM
It's so tempting to believe that ignorance really is bliss, but it's just a thin veil keeping you from seeing the shark swimming around your feet!
Dear Past Lorelei - /\ THAT was a good one.
I can't remember if we've gotten around to using it yet.
I can't remember if we've gotten around to using it yet.
637 PM
I am so ready to finish off the trials and tribulations crap so I can go back to being my shiny happy self, if not 24/7, a whole lot more of the time. Tough weekend and must everyone's caught up in their own stuff, but I love and know I'm loved!
I am so ready to finish off the trials and tribulations crap so I can go back to being my shiny happy self, if not 24/7, a whole lot more of the time. Tough weekend and must everyone's caught up in their own stuff, but I love and know I'm loved!
DATING? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
1043pm
Trying to decide if it's really a compliment when 20 somethings are sending me messages on OkCupid. Especially when they have so little of substance to say that I can't even think of a clever response. Yawn!
The past couple of years the young ones seem to think I'm hot! While guys my age are lookin' at 20 year olds. Whaaa?
I appreciate the attention but I do not want to have a relationship with a boy. That said, some of the 49 year olds I dated were little boys too. Sigh.
I have several pagan friends who've met great guys on there but so far, "yawn" It is a challenge to find single, heterosexual, pagan or pagan friendly MEN period, especially non-poly men. Funny, their little algorithm keeps suggesting guys I already know. Some of their profiles are pretty amusing too.
11:11pm
Speaking of "Mr Creepy's" I had a bit of a freak out moment tonight trying to figure out how someone found out I was going to an event when I didn't put that info out in in any online space he has access to. Something I didn't put together initially.
I was passing some info on and then realized I didn't know how he knew what I was doing. Totally creeped me out! The thought is that perhaps a friend or acquaintance I'm unaware is mutual told him. Sick of all this convoluted stuff and wish things could just be completely open, period! Wish this person would just go away! Relationships!
It seems like the last two were more trouble AFTER they ended!
Trying to decide if it's really a compliment when 20 somethings are sending me messages on OkCupid. Especially when they have so little of substance to say that I can't even think of a clever response. Yawn!
The past couple of years the young ones seem to think I'm hot! While guys my age are lookin' at 20 year olds. Whaaa?
I appreciate the attention but I do not want to have a relationship with a boy. That said, some of the 49 year olds I dated were little boys too. Sigh.
I have several pagan friends who've met great guys on there but so far, "yawn" It is a challenge to find single, heterosexual, pagan or pagan friendly MEN period, especially non-poly men. Funny, their little algorithm keeps suggesting guys I already know. Some of their profiles are pretty amusing too.
11:11pm
Speaking of "Mr Creepy's" I had a bit of a freak out moment tonight trying to figure out how someone found out I was going to an event when I didn't put that info out in in any online space he has access to. Something I didn't put together initially.
I was passing some info on and then realized I didn't know how he knew what I was doing. Totally creeped me out! The thought is that perhaps a friend or acquaintance I'm unaware is mutual told him. Sick of all this convoluted stuff and wish things could just be completely open, period! Wish this person would just go away! Relationships!
It seems like the last two were more trouble AFTER they ended!
Dear Past Lorelei,
You must have been talking about, Andy. The restraining order was still fairly new. If it's any consolation, you rarely think about him at all anymore.
You must have been talking about, Andy. The restraining order was still fairly new. If it's any consolation, you rarely think about him at all anymore.
 |  |  |
1121PM
Then again, perhaps silence is the best route. Maybe I'll run AWAY from the circus and run to the hermit cave!
Then again, perhaps silence is the best route. Maybe I'll run AWAY from the circus and run to the hermit cave!
Dear Past Lorelei, That is pretty much what we have done. Sometimes it is lonely. Mostly, it's ok.
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