Today (Monday, July 30th) has been an interesting day full of things to reflect on:
I've had a habit of forgetting about my boundaries at times because: A) I desperately need money and B) I want to make people happy.
I thought I was getting better at it, however, today both my time management skills and my boundaries slipped as I tried to squeeze in a meeting with someone who had potential work for me when I knew the timing was unlikely to work and sure enough it didn't.
After a long hard weekend culminating in exhaustion and insomnia, I overslept, which left too small a window to cram the meeting in before an appointment and a kitty care stop I had scheduled for later. The result; both of us were inconvenienced and the potential work has been put off, though granted, to a more sensible time.
Lorelei, just say, “no,” If it won’t work. It’s OK!
When I walk through my neighborhood I see and experience things you won’t find everywhere else, like being paid a compliment by, Mr Nancy *(Anansi, see note below), like a band playing on top of an, “Occupy” bus, like a yard bursting with flowers, gnomes and gargoyles, lofts that couldn’t possibly be lofts next to a carriage house that could be, or a bit of garbage on a tree stump that looks more like an offering carefully placed than random items thoughtlessly discarded!
* Slide show of snapshots from my walk to follow.
Molly Blue Dawn swooped me up so I could take care of a kitty today and also drove me to pick up some gorgeous silk hanging lantern-style lamps (Sort of like these) that a woman I’ve been corresponding with because of Freecycle was giving me.
I’m thrilled that anyone bothers to read this blog and ecstatic if they bring something positive away from it. This woman wrote, “I read your blog (well, part of it). It is very moving and inspiring and I wish you the best. Your generosity in the face of such difficulties is amazing! “ Wow! That was kind of awesome to read in the middle of trying times!
She has passed quite a few things my way as she’s been purging at home and while doing so has been incredibly thoughtful. This evening I finally met her, her husband and played peek-a-boo with her adorable toddler!
She likes the idea of what I call my “ritual soaps” (Using the power of intention along with luxurious scented soaps to make bathing a mindful experience, washing the dirt away and manifesting your desires at the same time!) and has some awesome ideas I can incorporate.
It’s nice when people who don’t even know you are rooting for you! And kinda awesome when you get to meet interesting people in ways you don’t expect.
Hmm. Does he really want to unleash my “big green guy?”
I have a LOT to be angry about and justifiably so. When I expressed to him my ambivalence about directly blaming a couple of people for a big portion of the situation I’ve been struggling with, trying to let them off the hook because they originally meant well and because I always try to look at my part in things, he pointed out that Lady Justice wears a blindfold so that she can judge fairly. He suggested that my holding them accountable was indeed the fair assessment and that maybe it’s time I stopped buying into other people trying to shift the blame on me when they are the ones who have behaved badly. Interesting.
So, I decided to take advantage of a more well placed rage and go attack the stuff I have stored in the basement. But first I had to attack the stuff surrounding it.
We have a huge basement and my landlady has issues with it getting too full of people’s stuff. Sometimes when one of us goes down to reset the router she can be heard raising her voice in a panic, “You’re not putting anything else in the basement are you?
From the beginning, I had been assured of a certain amount of space and was even encouraged to set up a work area down there. I’ve been very careful not to spread my stuff out any further, even if I add to it. But lately every time I go down there mystery stuff is either on top of mine or piled in the way so I can’t get to my things. I move it away and the pile of oddities keeps returning, each time oozing over more area and becoming more difficult to navigate!
Tonight, I headed down into the dank dim underbelly of the house cursing in anticipation, took the stuff off of my things, moved it over so I can get to my boxes and even sit at my desk. I reorganized my area. By the time I was done, I was dirty, and sneezing and too tired to do anything else, but I didn’t care. If my stuff gets buried again, heads will roll!
Walking through the hood, I meet some real characters and I get some interesting reactions when I make eye contact, smile and say, "Hello!"
(I know, I know, I would drive people in New York crazy!)
So I shared this with Molly Blue Dawn and as usual, she knew just what had happened:
Today, as I'm walking to BART I see an older, very dapper African American gentleman, in a pumpkin orange suit and derby type hat, with a purple shirt and tie. It wasn't garish, it looked sharp, at least on him. Everything was perfect, not a stich out of place! He was carrying a curious object made of polished wood which looked like it could have been a musical instrument or a religious item, but I couldn't get a good look at it!
I wanted to ask if I could take his picture, but I had a feeling that if I stopped to talk to him I'd have a hard time getting away! I have to say that I also wondered if I would look later and find the picture hadn’t turned out or had disappeared. It was one of those weird moments that doesn’t feel quite real.
I smiled and said, "Hello, how are you?" while continuing to walk.
He smiled real big as he passed and then stopped and said, "Well, hello beautiful. Now I mean that, you are really beautiful, you just keep on doin' what youre doin''
When I said, Thanks, but didn't stop, he stood there a minute and then just sauntered on.
Molly said, "You know who that was, don't you? Mr Nancy!" I think she could be right!
The Return of Mirth!!!
My tenacity always kicks in in the face of despair. I find my happy places where I can; my cat, my lovely friends, the constant click of my camera, flirting relentlessly, finding ways to be creative, being of service to others, letting my voice sing loud and true, the good company of Hobbit-like friends and lovers and laughter by any means! If I can instigate that laughter all the better!
Yes, things are improving, but l am still really stressed . My body is mad at me for pushing it in ways that I shouldn't because I still have transportation issues. It's difficult to turn down work or be passed up for jobs because I don't have a car. I'm still short on my rent & phone payments every month. If people weren't making donations, I wouldn't have household necessities or toiletries at all. I've pushed through some really awful personal events as well as dealing with the horrible injury and subsequent death of one of our household cats!
Despite this last bout of suck, I'm happy to be bringing levity back into my life. For a couple of weeks there I couldn't laugh at anything. Life without "silly" is like being stuck in a bucket of sludgy grey wallpaper paste that's about to be used to put up beige paper with flocked mushrooms on it; just imagine the worst patterns of the 70's, but with less color. Yeah, that about sums it up!
Give me my wild vibrant colors of mirth and silliness back and I can make something beautiful out of that!